An Immeasurable Tragedy: A Collection of Quotes, Pt. 1

I still think about that night. The night that changed my entire world. The night that changed me as a person and everything I have ever known. An entire part of my being was taken away the day that you died. I kept thinking there was so much more time. That we had so many more birthdays, holidays, cookouts, pictures, Sunday dinners, apple picking adventures, and family vacations. I know that you are around here somewhere, and I know this through the songs you play me, the unexplainable flickering of lights, the insane amount of cardinals that used to be a rare sighting to me, and all of the other subtle but definitive signs you give me. I know that you are here in spirit but it will never be enough. It’s just a fucking soul crushing ache for all the love that was left behind and a longing for the love that I wish I could give to you.

It is impossible to explain exactly how I feel. I can truly say that if you have never gone through this, you just don’t know how I am feeling. Although you can sympathize and give your love and support, it doesn’t mean you know what this heartache and grief feels like. To everyone that has been here for me throughout this immeasurable tragedy, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. To those who have gone through the loss of a parent I want to say this; although it seems like you can’t fucking breathe and your heart is fucking breaking all over again every day that passes, you can do this and you are stronger than you know!

I have been collecting quotes, lyrics, and poems throughout my healing that I have really connected with and I believe they have helped me. I would like to share some of them with you. 2 years, 9 months, and 23 days down…a lifetime to go….

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“I will love you for the rest of my life and you will not be here for any of it.” – Chloe Frayne ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Since you left this world, I have to believe that you still exist somewhere, That you still watch me sometimes, That you still love me somehow. I have to believe that life has meaning somehow, That I am useful here sometimes, That I make small differences somewhere. I have to believe that I need to stay here for some time, That all this teaches me something, So that I can meet you again somewhere.” – Ann Thorp

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“Have you ever collapsed from the weight of grief? When your legs can no longer carry the weight that your heart has to hold. I remember like yesterday the day my legs gave way. I was standing, and then I was not. My body crumpled to the ground and the sobs engulfed me. I could hardly breathe, I certainly couldn’t speak. I thought the scream would be heard for miles around, but later discovered it was silent. Perhaps this sort of holler is only audible in Heaven…and translates to ‘come back, I need you here.”

– Zoe Clark-Coates

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“When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with all the love they left behind.” -Unknown

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“And if you’ve never felt your soul being torn apart, you’ve never loved anyone with all your heart.”

- Unknown

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“To the one that looks at me from the sky, I love and miss you more than you will ever know.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I will spend my life waiting to meet you on the other side…where the end is just the beginning and time no longer exists. It is here where we will begin again, and the word “Goodbye” will never again be uttered.” – Zoe Clark-Coates

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How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it’s burned. Place and time always on my mind. I have so much to say but you’re so far away. Plans of what our future holds. Foolish lies of growing old. It seems we’re so invincible, the truth is so cold. A final song, a last request. A perfect chapter laid to rest. Now and then I try to find, a place in my mind, where you can stay, you can stay away forever. ~ Avenged Sevenfold

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Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face And stars fill my dream I'm a traveler of both time and space To be where I have been To sit with elders of the gentle race This world has seldom seen They talk of days for which they sit and wait All will be revealed Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace Like sorts inside a dream Leave the path that led me to that place Yellow desert stream My shangri la beneath the summer moon I will return again As the dust that floats high in June We're moving through Kashmir Led Zeppelin